


The Other Side of the Coin

by youthoughtyouknew



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, contains spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24010384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youthoughtyouknew/pseuds/youthoughtyouknew
Summary: Some of the Sides talk things through after the wedding.Takes place after Selfishness vs Selflessness: Redux, so don't read unless you don't mind spoilers
Comments: 5
Kudos: 42





	The Other Side of the Coin

My smile remains on my face for exactly the amount of time it takes to sink out. The second I’m out of Thomas’s sight, it drops like a rapper’s mic.

I told Thomas my name. I put myself further out there than I’d ever been comfortable going. _And look where that got me._

It’s good that Patton is back on stable ground - he may be my counterpart, but that doesn’t mean I _hate_ him - but that’s a small win compared to the massive losses I’ve caused.

_Roman…_

I can’t go to Roman and explain or even apologize, although it’s no secret where the embodiment of creativity goes when he’s upset. Trying to talk to him so soon after that catastrophic conversation would only make things worse. Patton’s with Roman, so going to him for advice is out. I’d never in a million years _consider_ approaching Remus (no filter = no secrets), and Logan’s still miffed about being replaced halfway through the video. I’m on my own.

Unless… No. Bad idea.

_On my own it is._

⚕️

“What are you _doing_ in my room?” Virgil demands.

I jump guiltily. “Nothing! _Definitely_ not looking for _you_ ,” I add, recovering.

Virgil rolls his eyes. “Yeah, well, I wasn’t here.”

“I hadn’t noticed.”

“What do you want, Deceit?”

I open my mouth, then close it again as, for the first time in a long time, my voice fails me. “I- I need-”

Virgil looks at me impassively for a moment. Then he shoves his hands into his pockets. “Get out of my room.”

“Virgil, I-”

“Look,” Virgil says, “you’ve clearly got something huge on your chest. The last thing you need right now is more anxiety.” He nods at me. “We’re going to _your_ room.”

⚕️

It’s been awhile since we talked in my room like this. Virgil sits cross-legged on the Murphy bed and watches quietly as I try to form my thoughts into coherent sentences. “How much do you hate me?” I blurt at last. “The Light Sides?” I regret the question immediately as Virgil blinks at me.

“Patton doesn’t hate you,” Thomas’s anxiety says slowly. “He’s scared by your ideas sometimes, but he doesn’t _hate_ you. Logan respects you as an important part of Thomas, when you’re not masquerading as him. Roman… you shook him pretty bad the last time you talked. I think he feels betrayed.”

“And you…?” I ask, knowing I likely won’t get much of an answer.

Virgil shrugs. _Jury’s out_ , says the shrug.

I sigh. “I don’t suppose you know what went on today.”

“Nope,” Virgil says, popping the _p_. “But I’m _guessing_ it had something to do with the panic attack I had a little while ago.”

A ball python of guilt uncoils in my stomach. “It got that bad? I had no- I didn’t-”

“Don’t sweat it.” Virgil plays with the cuff of his sleeve. “I’m fine. Logan helped me out after you… you know.”

“Right.” The weight of the afternoon’s events settles back onto my shoulders. “About that.”

Virgil sits up, sensing something big.

“I gave Thomas unsolicited aid in the middle of a big discussion with Patton and Roman,” I say in a rush. And just like that, the dam breaks. I tell Virgil all about Thomas’s roiling emotional state, Roman’s remorse, and Patton’s explosion, right up to when Patton calmed down enough to listen.

“Wow,” Virgil says when I’ve finished. “That would do it alright. But I don’t get how you made things worse.”

“It’s Roman.” At this point, the words are much easier to get out. My room has that effect on people. “I betrayed his trust in the debate about the callback, and now he’s decided I’m a villain of the worst kind. He fought me the whole time I was trying to help, and he said I could never be trusted. And then Thomas _did_ decide to trust me, and Roman accused him of replacing him with me. Thomas said that wasn’t true - he wasn’t lying - and you know I can sense lies - and Roman looked to me for confirmation - I nodded, because of _course_ Thomas would never do that to Roman, but...” I take a deep breath. “Roman must have thought I was saying it was a lie. He was so hurt.” The betrayed look on Roman’s face flashes through my mind again, and I can’t help wincing. “What have I _done?_ ”

“Hold up,” Virgil instructs. “That wasn’t your fault. If you talk to him, he’ll see that.”

“I can’t.” I stare at the floor, hating everything about today with extra fervour. “Right before he accused Thomas, I...” I look up with all the intensity the coming revelation requires. “I told them my name.”

Virgil’s eyes widen. “Sh*t!” He claps his hands over his mouth, too late to catch the curse. “How did it go?” he asks after a moment.

“Not well.” I shudder. “Thomas and Patton accepted it. They’re not using Deceit anymore.”

“That’s got to feel weird,” Virgil sympathizes. “Are you okay with that?”

I shrug unhappily. “I don’t know. I _should_ \- I decided to tell them. It just… I need time to adjust.”

“I get that.” Virgil huffs a laugh. “The fandom’s losing its collective mind trying to fit your name into the works right now.”

I raise an eyebrow. “I thought you were against breaking the fourth wall.”

“I don’t _have_ to. Can’t you feel the chaos?”

“I can’t tell if it’s the fandom or _me_ ,” I admit.

Virgil hums a little. “Do you still want to go by Deceit? Until things settle?”

I think about that. Deceit was my steadfast moniker - an accurate one - for so long that it feels more natural than my true name. Now that everyone knows both names, I suppose I should resign myself to Janus right away and get it over with. I don’t want to voice that vulnerability, but if I say I _want_ to be called Janus from now on, Virgil will pick up on the lie. That’ s the mixed blessing of talking here; words become easier, and so does discerning falsehood from truth.

“Hey. Look at me.” Virgil’s voice is soft. I realize I’ve begun to pace and stop. “I need the full story, Dee.”

Right. The _other_ side to deception: lies by omission. Even though it was an accident. “Roman… didn’t accept my name.” Virgil is silent, waiting. “He… he laughed at it, at me.” I stare at the floor. I will _not_ cry over a little judgement.

“I know how that feels,” Virgil says. “He did the same when _I_ shared _my_ name.” He sighs. “Look, Dee, Roman’s quick to form an opinion and slow to change it. I _still_ set him on edge from time to time just by showing up. It’ll take a lot of time before he learns to accept you, but it _will_ happen. You just have to prove you have good intentions and can work with us instead of manipulating us.” He pauses for a moment reflectively. “And maybe apologize for siccing Remus on us.”

“That was _one time_ ,” I protest automatically.

Virgil shrugs. “Don’t try to convince _me_.”

“That’s very helpful, Mr. Raccoon.”

“Mr. _Snake_ Raccoon,” Virgil corrects, smirking. “If you’re going to insult me, do it properly. Come on.”

I roll my eyes, although Virgil has a point. The telltale scales are already fading into view on the left side of his face, lilac at the moment, but soon to darken into violet. Combined with Virgil’s trademark eyeshadow, the effect is of (half) a snake wearing a bandit mask. “I’m not going to dignify that with a response.”

“You just did.”

“Well, thanks for that,” I say sarcastically, snapping my fingers. The Murphy bed flips up into the wall, but Virgil, who knows my tricks too well for that, is already off the bed. “You’ve outlived your usefulness,” I growl, flicking my fingers to banish him from my room. “Goodbye.” 

“You’re losing your touch, Dee,” Virgil teases, not going anywhere.

“Good _bye_.”

“Okay, okay.” Virgil smirks at me and begins to sink out.

I bite my lip. “Virgil, wait.” I tap my fingers together nervously as Virgil pauses. “I’m… I’m sorry. For what I did back then.”

Virgil gives me a level look. “I know.” And with that he’s gone.

I stare at where the other Side had been for a long moment. Then I smile to myself and begin perusing my books for ideas.

It’s not forgiveness, not yet.

But it’s a start.

**Author's Note:**

> Deceit has a Murphy bed; you _can't_ change my mind


End file.
